Do you ever feel like your back is against the wall? That nothing seems to be going right and you just can't figure it out? Walk around and just feel down on yourself because you can't do anything right and you think that you're doing all of the good in the world and not seeing anything good coming from it? Those people that are out there doing everything that the world does is reaping all of the benefits: they are living the "good life" and so happy that you want what they have? They have everything that they want and you're losing loved ones left and right. They are living in the luxurious two story house and you're struggling to pay the rent in your one bedroom apartment. You look up and ask God "What am I doing wrong? I'm doing all you want me to do but nothing good is happening for me!?!?"
If you are one of those people, I can honestly say that I was in your shoes not too long ago. If you've read my blogs or know me, you know that my father passed when I was 7 and also both of my grandmothers passed away from cancer within a year of each other when I was in middle school. I'm not the only person who has ever dealt with issues like this but at the time I felt like God was constantly testing me and in better words, "picking" on me. While all of this was happening I just couldn't get a grasp on why all of these things were happening to me when I didn't feel like I deserved this. Looking back on it now, He gave me all of these trials so that I could grow and be a stronger person.
More recently, I had troubles with finding a teaching job. In May of 2011, I took my Math certification test and made a 239 out of 300. That comes out to be a 79.67%, well I needed to make a 240 or 80% in order to get my certification. I was crushed to say the least. Every single interview turned out to be a bust. I had all of the credentials, but I needed that ONE point to even be considered a contender for the job. All I needed one person to give me a shot; that person was the Athletic Director at Quitman HS, Ron Callahan. He called me for an interview and believed that I was the man for the job. Others weren't too sure that I was the guy but he kept fighting for me. He gave me a shot when no one else would all because of one point. After 60 days, I retook the test and made a 256 (85%) and made a 95 on the other test that I needed in order to be highly qualified. The crazy thing is that the test seemed so much easier: it was as if God had threw a couple of easy ones in there that weren't there before. It's just crazy how He works. After all of the tests were taken and the contract was signed, I was introduced as the new math teacher/coach at QISD.
I say all of these things not to brag on me, but to brag on God. He truly does have all control. I truly believe that Quitman is where I was supposed to go. It's been a total learning experience and He has blessed me over the past four months more than anyone knows. There was truly a reason I was brought there. Although it wasn't where I originally wanted to be, I couldn't think of a better place to begin. Also, who knew that I'd meet an amazing woman who came all the way from San Diego, California to be at this tiny school in east Texas. If you don't believe God does things for a reason, you just might be crazy.
Whenever you feel that you're going through it all, just know that God does have a plan. He has the blueprint for your life already mapped out and we're just his pieces that he is moving around. If you try and figure it all out when you're going through it, you're going to stumble and might even fall flat on your face. But if you trust in Him and just let him work his magic, He'll surely provide. You have to go through it before you can see what is actually happening. Looking back isn't always a bad thing, it's just knowing when to do it.
Be blessed.
